Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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