She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Randomize
