My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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