areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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