is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
