whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I FOUND THE LEGS
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I think people are normalizing furries
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
