I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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