a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Randomize
