i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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