i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
