Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Randomize
