Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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