Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
