this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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