Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
