remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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