Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
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