I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
