Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
