My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
