butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
look no pants
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize