I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I'm determined to sit on that face.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
