I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
