Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
