He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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