I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
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