She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
