She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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