So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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