i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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