The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
