I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
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