I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
