apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
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