If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
