life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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