Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
