She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
