Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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