I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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