it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Randomize
