gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
