his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
