rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
My bed is full of blood and feathers
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
