Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
you inspire me to be a worse person
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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