i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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