Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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