i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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