If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
wow bdsm is so cute
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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