The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
this will be a night to untag.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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