burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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