Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
