So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
