Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
