Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
