...so i touched it.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
