I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
