He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
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