Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
