True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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