We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
