she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
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