the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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