"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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