oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Randomize
