Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
