I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
