My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
You are the jesus of drinking
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Randomize
