No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
