look no pants
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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